The Toy Industry drooled as they recognized this gigantic new puberty market. Boomer kids caused record toy sales for the past decade, and companies like Mattel didn’t want to lose their best customers. They introduced Barbie in 1959, and Boomer females have never been satisfied with their bodies ever since. Barbie transcended dollhood. She became a lifestyle, a role model to help adolescent girls make the painful transition to adulthood. Barbie possessed everything an All-American girl could possibly desire: a perfect face, figure, hair, a fabulous wardrobe and an ideal boyfriend (Ken). Babs was the first doll with boobs, which seemed natural, since the sale of training bras increased by 50% in 1959, and millions of little Boomer girls began to notice serious changes in their anatomy for the first time. But, how could they compete with Barbie? At full scale, Babs’ measurements would have read: 40C- 18- 26. Her breasts defied gravity and stuck out, high and well formed (and nippleless), and her exaggerated, hourglass waist could only have been achieved in the real world by the removal of a few ribs and vital organs. Barbie’s long, slender legs must have been achieved in a month on the stretch rack in a dungeon, or as the result of some terrible disease (perhaps the same one that caused her nipples to fall off). Indeed, if any real woman owned a full-scale figure exactly like Barbie’s, she would be the most popular photographic subject in medical journals since the Elephant Man.
Nonetheless, every little Boomer girl in America simply had to own a Barbie and as many accessories as her parents would tolerate. Mattel’s production line could barely keep up with demand. They started the Barbie Fan Club, and soon membership exceeded that of the Girl Scouts of America. Each subscriber received regular fan club letters with tips on how to become an all-American Dream Girl, and a complete shopping guide of the latest additions to Barbie’s wardrobe. Teenieboppers dropped all other dolls and concentrated on helping Barbie get ready for her next big date with Ken. In fact, Barbie’s entire schedule consisted of getting ready for dates, shopping, trying on new clothes and experimenting with new hairstyles and makeup (It is interesting to note that 1959 was also the year that Visa and Mastercharge cards were introduced).
Barbie’s life was not cluttered with any visible signs of education, marriage or career (until 1985, with Barbie’s “Home Office Center”), but no one seemed to wondered where she got all the money for her beautiful house, swimming pool, spa, horse, snazzy sports car, and more than a thousand expensive outfits. Perhaps Barbie was the mistress of a very wealthy man? What other job could she possibly qualify for that could earn her enough to maintain her luxurious lifestyle? Closer examination will dispel the mistress theory, however… Mattel neglected to provide Barbie with the physical equipment necessary to perform the duties of such an occupation. Perhaps that is why Ken has been the only guy to ask Barbie out during the last half century. He, too, has nothing going on below the waist or above the neck.
This vain, self-centered, materialistic, hollow-headed, sexless, cold, plastic princess served as the adult role model for little girls throughout the entire history of our generation. By her twenty-first birthday in 1980, 112 million Barbies had been sold… or, one for every American female.
Perhaps the most accurate personification of Barbie appeared on television within months of the doll’s conception in the form of spoiled Thalia Menninger on “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis”. She personified Dobie’s dream girl, and, as the time dictated, offered him only a pure, ideal type of love… much to poor Dobie’s frustration. Thailia manipulated, used and teased him, and viewers knew that she would never pay up. Dobie hated school and work and obsessed on Thailia. No one classified young Gillis as a bad kid or a rebellious teen; Dobie simply held no interests but girls. Bob Denver (Gilligan) played Maynard G. Krebs, his best friend… a complete dropout, a superficial caricature of a Fifties Beatnik, and probably the happiest and most well-adjust character on TV at the time. But, the show featured Dobie, and if he reflected the typical teenager in 1959, then we can assume that kids were lazy, apathetic, naïve, and spent most of their time daydreaming about members of the opposite sex. In other words, things had returned to normal in the good old USA in 1959.
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The same could not be said about Cuba, a mere ninety miles away. Fidel Castro’s revolution finally seized power in December of 1958, and on New Year’s Day of 1959, Batista fled the country. American corporations, including the Mafia, controlled Cuba’s economy for many years, and now, Castro kicked their butts out. America tried to get tough, but Fidel turned to Russia for help, and suddenly, Commies lurked off the coast of Florida. The tension subsided somewhat when Nikita Khrushchev made a 13-day goodwill tour of the United States, the first such visit by a Soviet Premiere. The event received widespread television coverage, and the trip ran smoothly until, at a dinner in Los Angeles, Mayor Pollsen declared, “Americans will never surrender to the Commies”. Nikita asked the mayor if he hadn’t read in the newspapers that this was a goodwill tour. The US government then informed Khrushchev that his visit to Disneyland had been cancelled for “security reasons”. Niki flew into a rage, “Why? Have gangsters taken it over, or are you hiding a missle base there?” Poor Nikita just didn’t understand. In spite of all the trouble that Boomers had caused (by our sheer numbers), the kids of our generation were still considered the National Treasure, and Disneyland was our “Magic Kingdom”. Heaven forbid that the Godless Commies should ever learn about the incredible, secret ecstasy that a small American child could experience in exchange of an “E” coupon.
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